Exams have started and all! Just 2 papers for me, and yet i still feel kinda stress, bo has like 4 papers i guess... Guessing she would be having a much more hard time than me i guess...

Well, today, went to school in the afternoon to study with my friends and all, more like my classmates, manage to do like 2 questions only, pathetic right! After that, i had to rush off to the game, some staff game that i got invited to play for and all... To talk about that game ahhh... Been like a month plus since i have worked out, to me, working out is like a daily basis for me, okay daily basis is a bit too much to say and all, like at least i do workout like 4 times a week, when there was soccer trainings and competitions, but since IVP is over, i cut down on working out all :( DAMN SIAN!!! When i wanna work out, i tend to be lazy... Nowadays, i have been sleeping more and have been EATING A LOT, like literally... Sigh, the game was such a hit, ouch! I got hit big time and i feel damn shitty right now... Sigh! :( That's all about today...

For the past 3 days, have been feeling damn shitty since the fight with bo!!! I really regret being such an ass towards bo, cause like nowdays, i feel as though text messages are being cold and all... Don't get me wrong dear... You should know how much i miss texting you much and talking to you, i dunno when was the last time i have ever spoke to you, like hear your voice ma, i am really missing you so much... 

Exams are still on going, i understand... Parents at home, mother around... You have reasons that you cannot do anything, you are really in tight situation where things really can't go in favour to you... I understand ma, but i can't help it by thinking like that... Been really different these days... :( I am sorry to say this all ma! Usually when i feel down, if there is something bothering, talking things out to you is my style, but i feel that, if i tend to open my mouth or anything right now, i am so afraid that i ruined things further ma! Already right now, you can't text much, if i were to say this... I Doubt you might even wanna text me... :( I created blog not just to like update my daily things or my memories all, also to tell you things that i dun dare, not say dun dare, but not really having the right time or opportunity... It might sound as though i am thinking too much... I am just stating the possibilities ma... Is like, i know the answers to the questions and yet am feeling this way, contradicting right... I know ma! I am laughing right now as well... I can't afford to hear such things like, " Dowan, you make me feel irritated..." NOT MAKING A BIG FUSS DEAR!!!! yes, i have encountered worse things from you and all... But at that point of time, after not hearing from you like a day after your parents came to fetch you from school till the next day, i would not wanna hear such things ma! "Psycho..." Dear, am not ma! Please, I have not gone against anything you have done unless it is necessary or i feel that it could have been better, just saying...

Waited an hour, plus travelled to and from to NYP to TP, i was damn tired dear, weather also not helping, freaking damn hot, at the same time, asking you such a question or showing you a black face after paper isn't helping either... I AM SO SORRY DEARIE!!! Anyone is your shoes would also react how you did react to me dear, i truly agree... I was just wondering if you did thought awhile how i was feeling on that day ma... please dear, please, i am not pin pointing anything, i am trying to say, no matter how much we get mad, we tend to show anger, but after awhile, i will never not think of the situation again... I can never read you mind, telling you or asking you to think on my point of view at that time would not be a good idea either... 

Look dear, i love you, like you said i am not your boyfriend i know, i am still doing things to make you feel how you used to and also hoping that we one day would be together again, i have never been this patient for someone in my life before, neither have i loved someone this much before...  Believe me or not dear! I was hoping we could take things like also as friends. Talk, and joke around... I have envied so many couples the way they talk, the way they communicate with one another, like is as though they are friends and they joke around, but there is love between them... Mithren is a really nice guy, i don't personally know him but i have talked to him few times and all, really a helpful person... Till now, i feel that you are still not comfortable with me whenever Mithren texts you dear, i dunno why i just feel that ma, is like you still don't really trust me... After being such a jerk calling him, i don't wanna say ma, i don't blame you for feeling like that towards me, but i can't get any other chance than this to make sure that i have changed and all, Yes i agree, whenever i am around, obviously I don't you to entertain text messages and all, that'e me dear, don't tell me its wrong for me not spend most of time with the girl i love when i don't really have all the time in the world with her? Is it wrong ma???
On that day, we fought, you texted him saying where you? When ever we fight, i get the feel that you start ignoring me and there you go texting and all, am i wrong to say that honey? Okay if i am wrong, correct me dearie, then you told me you were suppose to meet him and all, i have no idea when you know this or not, but if you happened to know earlier, tell me la darling, Giri/dear, i was suppose to meet Mith, i meet him and come back alright! I would for sure wait what dear, why would i think anything.... Plus, you just went, and then i asked you where you going? You started saying, are you my father all this bla bla... Already i pissed you, i don't blame you for telling me like that ma! 
But dear, You would always tell me before doing anything ma, i was just surprised when you just walk off, plus, saying Psycho all! I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR PUTTING YOU IN SUCH A SITUATION, I AM EQUALLY TO BE BLAMED!!!! THERE IS ALSO FAULT ON ME!!! If only i had not shown the black face, things would have been fine, even till now....

I am looking forward for next week, after exams when i can finally see you, you have many activities next week ma, i know... I can simply just come to wherever you go and all, but there is a difference between you calling me come and i volunteer ma, we have talked about this before and yes that also includes on giving you more time to trust me and all, cause right now, i can never get any other better chance than this, and i prolly won't be seeing you  the week after next week as well :( With the time i have right now, i wanna spend time with you, laugh with you, have fun with you, talk to you, spend each minute with you by my side, right now, i am saying about me? I wonder if you wanna do the same thing as well dear? I really miss you, Hope you are doing fine dear.... 

Once again, please forgive me if i have said anything wrong or if i have hurt you or misinterpreted things, if i am wrong, please correct me and don't be mad at me BO!!!

XOXOXO <3 I love you so much Pumpkin!!! Bo, feel so much better now, never wanted make you feel bad or anything dear, i didn't wanna hide my thoughts from you, i had my say sweetheart!