I am prolly in the worse stage of my life where i was foolish enough to hurt a soul that means so much to me more than the world. Why? Why should I be so angry and agitated at that point of time? Why should i lay my hands on her? I did told myself that i must never lay my hands on her, no the first nor the second but many times... I have caused her great pain, here i am faking myself and the world thinking i am fine, things will be better, NO... :( Each time and minute, every second, i am hating myself... :( I am feeling pissed, i was happy with you, i had to blow things up...
Today, i was in the MRT, i saw a woman with the same finger nail polish color as hers, the same bright blue... a different lady carrying the same black bata bag as hers... I am really going insane... If i can have that much of guts to raise my hands at that point of time on her, why can't i simply try talking to her? I swear i can't, i never will, i am feeling so scared to see her, even text her... I am fearing what she might reply! I swear i am feeling guilty, but if i ever see her right now, i will breakdown and hold her hands towards my face and apologize. No one knows how much i greatly miss her so much... Its been 2 days since the incident happen... I want to call her, talk to her, see her, speak to her face to face, but if she were to ever see me, prolly she would spit at my face for how i reacted to her... :( What am i to do? Who am i to tell? I really miss her, i am ashamed of myself that i brought upon this to myself, is there any way that she would ever want to see me again?

Dear Prithi,
I never had the guts to face you after what happened to Sunday, and yesterday there were times that i was not replying, not because i couldn't but because i am living in guilt... I have lost someone who means so much more than the world to me by simply just laying my hands on you... I really want you back but it was clear cut that you don't wish to see me again... :( Feeling lost without you, i can't do anything right! No peace at work, i don't feel like talking to anyone, no one to cry on... I still feel lonely though there are people around me... I text-ed your brother on Sunday, but it seems he also didn't reply to me, i guessed i have made him angry either. How are you? Have you eaten? Questions like this are simply coming to my mind, i swear i didn't block you, everytime i create a new chat to you, i would type, before i would want to send, i would think if i should send or not, but knowing the replies i might get from you, i would delete everything, sometimes the way you reply hurts me either... I feel like a rotten vegetable... I can't pull this any more longer or the question is for how long more am i going to pull this over??? :( Its suicide i swear. No appetite to eat, no mood to work, lost my sleep, having bad dreams each time... How more should i be punished? How long more? Prithi, i am not asking for forgiveness, but all i ask is at that point of time, please think awhile of what situation i was in, please...  Knowing you were unwell, also, i didn't wanna give you any work to do, i was alone handling upstairs... Please think through Prihti! I am not justifying my act, i swear i am not, its not gonna change any fact that i still laid my hands on you, but Prithi, please think for a minute, am i really capable of hurting as much as i love you and treasure moments with you??? :( I am feeling the worse stage of my life, i have no one to be cry to or tell, i honestly don't know what condition am i gonna be in, each time, my heart is getting heavier and heavier... Prithi please, i am so sorry for all the pain i have given you... People are mocking at me for loving you so much, i am being humiliated by the managers... :( This can never be a bigger punishment i swear! ;(