I feel i am getting old for my age, i am just 21, but it seems that i don't have a life of my own already, work work work... :( I hate my attachment big time. i swear i hate my attachment. Why must it be in this kind of field that i have to work on ah? Dammit! You know, i feel so tired right now, but most of all, i feel so heavy these days... :(

I am counting my days till NS... :( I am scared, at the same time wondering is it good that i am away or not... Dear, i am so sorry for lying or so call hiding you... Let me explain dear, no girl would want to know that his guys have slept with his ex and all, i didn't wanna hurt you dear... That was all in my mind. I adore you so much dearie, even small things when you have fever or flu or even hurt yourself, i will just breakdown dear. Please forgive me for making you upset dear, i am so sorry for hurting, you know how much i love you right dear...

B, i wanted to talk to you for a long time... Nowadays, i feel you seem more annoyed and agitated with me ma, to think of it, i talk nicely, and ask questions because i care for you and i wanna ensure i hear and get things clearly from you, because if i don't get things clear and answer something else, you would be angry too dear... :( Today i felt so shitty at work, i really wanted to talk to someone dear... I didn't expect that i had to be at work so late, i am so for not being able to meet you dear... There was a point of time i really wanted some words from you like, "cheer up dear, don't worry okay, once finish you can leave...", you know this would really make someone feel so much better no matter how down there are, a little motivation... nothing such ma, you seemed so annoyed. "What you want me to say..." i heard this from you dear, i swear i was so down dear, really... Were you so angry at me or anything dear? Not to the extend you make me feel better or what ma? :( I felt so like thrown away b, i swear i am tearing while blogging... B, my friends motivate me but a little motivation from my girlfriend, my one and only love, wouldn't hurt a bit right dear... Did i ask to much dear... I really remember those times, where you would be so eager to talk to me and all dear, but nowadays, i am so scared to talk b... :( afraid i might annoy you for just a small thing b! :( I don't blame you sometimes dear, you have your own things, sometimes i mustn't expect much from you, but dear, think about it just awhile, did i really expect a lot or the least ma? 

Sometimes i feel i'm being hit so hard and just left aside ma!

I love you b, i am sorry if i've hurt you or said anything to hurt you, while sky ping also we sometimes tend to fight, i dowan keep fighting or quarreling dear... PLEASE! I wanna spend my days from now, being so happy with you, i wanna cherish every moments right now before my enlistment letter comes dear... Do you know, every time i come back home, the first thing i will do is to check if there is any letters for me you know dear! Sometimes i wish not to go home or to my room, cause i would panick if i see a letter on the table... :(

I will do anything and go an extra mile to make you happy, cause that makes me happy. But sometimes, i feel i always give but i don't really get back any like that b! I am sorry dear! Please...
If i have hurt you in any way, forgive me, you have the rights and all, cause you're my girlfriend, but i wanna also spend times with you happy, i really miss those times we talk a lot, talk freely, but i feel restricted cause i might annoy you b! :( Just now also, i was talking normally, you got angry... Think about it dear, you said you didn't see me, but i said i saw you, then you asked when? Remember? You totally forgot that i came over to see you to pass you Salmon? Forget already is it dear? :( You see dear, i wonder what's in your mind all dear, is everything okay... I worry at times, because you forget things so fast, things that happened earlier too dear! Sometimes its upsetting b! I love you understand dear, all i wanna do it make our relationship better dear, it's not possible just by me alone ma! Both parties also have to put in the effort... :( I am sorry again dear, if i've hurt you! :(