Should I?
Should I not...

Suspect is not the word i should use to describe my feeling, its curiosity... And sometimes, i feel that i am not being told many things like how I share with you all the things in life... Maybe it was good that i didn't see it, but now that i have seen it, makes me wonder that i am not ready to be told or not? I don't know, some say obsessed, possessive and all... But i would not wanna be described as these words, I just wanna know if you think i have changed enough to share things that i have not asked you before? Its not about you, its where i stand right now? I want to know where i stand right now, am i still the same person who you think i am since last time? Sigh. I want to ask, but maybe now isn't the right time... I just want to think through myself... But for how long? 

Is it wrong to ask and just clear your doubts, because once the feeling comes, its best to clear it right? Or am i wrong or just thinking too much?

Curiosity Kills, but at the same time, is it wrong to clear your doubts? 

I am the Luckiest guy in the world to have a girl like my 'Cookie...' I love you always my babygirl!!!

For the past 2 days, things are going so well, nice and i really feel so loved by my baby! I am not saying like as though i have not felt like that before all, but i just feel baby has changed, she seems more patient, calm and she understands many things that are going on... 
Yesterday, baby came and met me for lunch, i told my colleague that my girl was coming to meet me for lunch, 'Wah, she so nice ah, you so lucky you're girlfriend come over to see you all ah...' this was what he told me, i could have told baby this yesterday and all, but sometimes the feeling from reading from a letter or a blog might seem different, that's why i am telling this right now here! :) Forgive me ahhh love! hehe! Her friend, thurga too came, and yes we was not really able to spend much time and all, but she came over to see me, that's what mattered to me more than anything else... :) Thanks baby! After that, baby went with her friend to seragoon all and then when i was gonna end my work, she came over to my place and all, hehe! From there we took bus to Toa payoh interchange, baby had to go for dinner, from there i went back home. :)
Today, baby didn't go work, piggy! :) She went to Thurga place, she had lunch there and was going some wrist band which was so nice! :) I was glad that she didn't spend the 10 dollar that she was given daily but in the end, her akka had to spend it and not return her back, WHAT A WOMAN!!! DAMN! Baby, met me at tai seng, from there we took bus to AMK, had sushi and baby got a face scrub, yay! :) From there, i sent her home and i went back home... :)
There was a question baby asked me..." Aren't you tired you coming over to my work place from there send me home then go back home and all...?"
It's simple dear... Yes i am tired, but i will never show, because you may never know what will happen the next day, this i learned from you dear, with the time i have, i wanna spend it all with you, because that's what makes me happy baby! Time being with you are very precious to me, if i was given my last minute to spend my time with or with something, i would wanna be with you sweetheart... I adore you so much and i love you so much too dearie! How can i possibly mind traveling here and there just to see you dear? Sigh! Anything just to see my precious baby girl! :) 

Your bag arrived dearie! I hope you like it ahhh, i kinda like it! heheh! XOXO! :)

18 August 2014

It was an amazing day for me, i will tell you why... :)

Monday, the beginning of the day of a new week, i guess, i only had like 2-3 hours of proper sleep, hehe! :) I some how was able to wake up in the morning and leave the house in time, so i was able to reach hougang in time and i did! :) I saw baby and then from there we took the cab to TP! Hehe! When i saw dearie, she was like, carrying so many things and all, hehe! She ahhh... Cutie! The way she was walking down the pavement, hehe! :P Sorry ah baby! I had to see, i was like literally laughing inside! And so, it was her presentation day, that's what she taught when it turned out to be on the next day which is a tuesday! So we went there early and all, i was like listening to songs and trying to keep myself awake and all! hehe! :P She was so busy filling up her log book, in the end, it was not even on that day, pigggg! Well, so, after that, we headed towards tamp mall, "MAC..." for dearie's lipstick, i was like having a budget, getting one lipstick, that i thought was like 60 plus, when we manage to buy 2 lipsticks for the same price... So initially, each lipstick was like 30 dollars, hehe! After that, we went to AMK, took the bus, a slow bus ride, baby was eating cinamon thingy! I don't know the name all ahhh, we were talking along the ride to amk! Once reached there, we bought tickets to the movie '7500', after that we had teppanyaki for lunch! :) YUM YUM! :) I wanted to try something new and so i ordered the Salmon and as usual, baby got her prawns! :) hehe! After that, went to watch the movie! STUPID MOVIE!! I was rather scared though, but the movie concept was so ridiculous! DAMN!!!! After that, we went to watch TMNT... AGAIN! :) We didn't mind, cause there were certain parts we actually didn't mind watching again and all, and so we did watched the movie! We watched 2 movies, hehe! After that, we were walking by and all, and guess what, we saw my previous TCC manager, Kai. Seems he is working in AMK coffee bean now! NICE! :) I kinda miss times working with him, it was a joy you know, we were talking and all, baby was there as well. After that, went to follow dearie to her driving place and yeah after that, we got down few stops before the usual stop to get BIG GULP! hehe! I got chocolate for myself and baby got cup noodles for herself... AND yeahhhh, send baby off home...

ENTIRE DAY I WAS WITH HER! It was so amazing, i really enjoyed my day with my love! Thanks baby! XOXO!

Its the second last week of Internship today. I not to sure if its a good thing or bad thing. Actually, it was suppose to be a good thing, now that its gonna be over soon and all, but the fact that its a bad thing, cause, it seems that time is just running very fast and fast. Sigh! :( It seems as though i started last month only, but so fast, 2 months have just passed and all... That's really something that i have no expected. After intern, one more week in school to complete the FYP, sigh! Aargh! After that, i am done! Wahhh! Lets not talk about it much yeah!

I feel like i am getting lazy and lazy each day as the days passes by... I feel so lethargic and so tired every night, i am drinking tea these days, has been a habit for me already! I wonder why?! ;( I need to change things, i have to work out, like literally workout!!! AARGH! Its so frustrating, i feel like i am gaining weight, sometimes even feeling breathless after climbing up staircase, my joints are aching and all, having cramps here and there, eating a lot these days! Going nuts!!! SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE WITH MY BODY!!!!!!!!!

You know, i wonder if i had made things worse or not, but i think it seems that, i have been giving "fucking lectures...". 
You know when someone gets so angry, they can just go crazy and say things that they would not imagine... Some says its from your bottom of the heart while some says its just words coming out in anger and sometimes you don't mean them. Its their preferences of what they think and all, not as though its possible for anyone to read people's minds and all right? It's highly impossible.
I am such a short, hot tempered person who i just fume for small things, but after few incidents that happened lately in my life, that's of course, mainly with my girlfriend, i feel anger could just make things miserable in life! NO ONE, i mean no one would just make the effort to let's just say count till 10 to calm yourself down. No one, i mean NO ONE!!! Some would say, close your eyes and breath, just keep breathing and then open your eyes...
I realized so many things, more like the consequences i have to face if you're in anger. I don't need to tell all, but the worse consequence i had to face that i almost lost my girlfriend, my love. My anger caused me to abuse her, hit her! :( Never have i ever hit a girl, well, besides my sister, i meant to say any of my girlfriends, i was so angry that i just hit her! :( It might seem that i have forgotten, but the pain i went through, the mental torture, hitting my love, was merely unbearable! 
Do you have any idea how painful it is when your loved one was on the verge of leaving you, not talking to you like how she used to with you, is? I don't think so, because if you would have realized it, you would not have a reason to be angry or anything...

Look baby, i have nothing to say with you and why you angry all sweets. Everyone has their own reason to be angry with and i am very sure, you have yours too as well. I just want you to know this dearie...

Anger can never solve anything in life dear. I know its hard, but try to use your anger in a positive way alright dearie. I know how much soccer means to you dear! But it's not the end of the world if your parents don't allow you right? You can still play out dear. Either you persuade your parents or you train like how you used to train during trainings and all!!! We both know that persuading your parents isn't gonna happen dear, i know, i just had to say my options only dear! You can still train dear, you will always have my support dear, use that anger in running, you can stay healthy, loss weight all dear, You see dear! Isn't that a point you have to work hard for? "What the point, no use..." Don't tell this all dear, think about it sweets! I am sorry dearie! I wonder if you still think i am lecturing you! IF you find it a waste of time, just ignore this dear! Sigh! Its alright!

I feel i am getting old for my age, i am just 21, but it seems that i don't have a life of my own already, work work work... :( I hate my attachment big time. i swear i hate my attachment. Why must it be in this kind of field that i have to work on ah? Dammit! You know, i feel so tired right now, but most of all, i feel so heavy these days... :(

I am counting my days till NS... :( I am scared, at the same time wondering is it good that i am away or not... Dear, i am so sorry for lying or so call hiding you... Let me explain dear, no girl would want to know that his guys have slept with his ex and all, i didn't wanna hurt you dear... That was all in my mind. I adore you so much dearie, even small things when you have fever or flu or even hurt yourself, i will just breakdown dear. Please forgive me for making you upset dear, i am so sorry for hurting, you know how much i love you right dear...

B, i wanted to talk to you for a long time... Nowadays, i feel you seem more annoyed and agitated with me ma, to think of it, i talk nicely, and ask questions because i care for you and i wanna ensure i hear and get things clearly from you, because if i don't get things clear and answer something else, you would be angry too dear... :( Today i felt so shitty at work, i really wanted to talk to someone dear... I didn't expect that i had to be at work so late, i am so for not being able to meet you dear... There was a point of time i really wanted some words from you like, "cheer up dear, don't worry okay, once finish you can leave...", you know this would really make someone feel so much better no matter how down there are, a little motivation... nothing such ma, you seemed so annoyed. "What you want me to say..." i heard this from you dear, i swear i was so down dear, really... Were you so angry at me or anything dear? Not to the extend you make me feel better or what ma? :( I felt so like thrown away b, i swear i am tearing while blogging... B, my friends motivate me but a little motivation from my girlfriend, my one and only love, wouldn't hurt a bit right dear... Did i ask to much dear... I really remember those times, where you would be so eager to talk to me and all dear, but nowadays, i am so scared to talk b... :( afraid i might annoy you for just a small thing b! :( I don't blame you sometimes dear, you have your own things, sometimes i mustn't expect much from you, but dear, think about it just awhile, did i really expect a lot or the least ma? 

Sometimes i feel i'm being hit so hard and just left aside ma!

I love you b, i am sorry if i've hurt you or said anything to hurt you, while sky ping also we sometimes tend to fight, i dowan keep fighting or quarreling dear... PLEASE! I wanna spend my days from now, being so happy with you, i wanna cherish every moments right now before my enlistment letter comes dear... Do you know, every time i come back home, the first thing i will do is to check if there is any letters for me you know dear! Sometimes i wish not to go home or to my room, cause i would panick if i see a letter on the table... :(

I will do anything and go an extra mile to make you happy, cause that makes me happy. But sometimes, i feel i always give but i don't really get back any like that b! I am sorry dear! Please...
If i have hurt you in any way, forgive me, you have the rights and all, cause you're my girlfriend, but i wanna also spend times with you happy, i really miss those times we talk a lot, talk freely, but i feel restricted cause i might annoy you b! :( Just now also, i was talking normally, you got angry... Think about it dear, you said you didn't see me, but i said i saw you, then you asked when? Remember? You totally forgot that i came over to see you to pass you Salmon? Forget already is it dear? :( You see dear, i wonder what's in your mind all dear, is everything okay... I worry at times, because you forget things so fast, things that happened earlier too dear! Sometimes its upsetting b! I love you understand dear, all i wanna do it make our relationship better dear, it's not possible just by me alone ma! Both parties also have to put in the effort... :( I am sorry again dear, if i've hurt you! :(