Its 12.12 right now... Just finished shitting and here i am at home blogging now, well, i did like came back 20 mins ago, all asleep, me gonna sleep i guess, i am gonna wait till like 1 see if dearie would reply... :( I know she is sick, but i can't help it, i miss her so much! :( I really hope you get better b, i feel its my fault, i should not have got you the Big Gulp! ;( Aargh! Well dear, left work late today, was kinda busy at work, sunida texted, asking if i were to come over cause she was cooking dinner, and i was like, okay wait ah, i asked my mother, she told me no dinner as well, so i asked you dear, then went! I think she called you, she told me, you didn't answer dear... I told her, yeah, cause you were unwell and all. SO went to her place, she did some sardine rice thingy... Guess what dear, when she switched on the rice cooker, the whole house black out! :( For like 45 mins, wondering what happen and all, worse part, the next house also black out dear! :( Then i went out, and then switched on the main, it took me awhile to realize that there was a main switch outside... LOL! 

I was already damn hungry, yet she still have not cooked much... Because of that, i was given the task to cook the rice, but seems i did not cook it well... Got blamed for that too from sunida, wahhh, i was just kinda annoyed, with the fact that she just can't adapt and cook, damnnnn... She is soooo not the house wife material for sure, hehe! She won't know what i say here what baby, so i can gossip about her, hehehE! So i left home after that ma... At work, my boss was so nice to me baby, i wonder why, he was really damn nice to me, i was like, okayyyy, what is he up to and all... 

I am sorry baby, i was at hougang, yet, i was unable to see you nor visit you b! :( Please forgive my act dearie! I miss you so much, it sucks when you are feeling sick dear... Today i didn't get to see you! Sigh! I miss you my baby! Please take care of yourself my love! ;(

A something for my baby! :)

Well well well, its already Thursday and i am like in the office... Seems cookie has not texted me back and all, my poor dear, yesterday she wasn't well, i hope she is feeling better, sigh... :( I doubt she will be able to go to work today, i not sure if i will be able to see her as well... :( You know, this is what really sucks, the day before yesterday, i saw her after like 3 days and all, then yesterday, yes i saw her, but it got a bit bitter, sigh! :( Then today... :( This is really terrible you know, as time goes by, seems that, there isn't much chance for me to meet cookie and be with cookie, weekends, yes we do see each other, but at work... Sometimes, i can't help myself to be a bit selfish in terms of meeting cookie! But i really have to understand that at times, time isn't by our side, and we have to understand that... Its alright dear... There is always a reason for everything, i learned this from you ma, whatever happens, it's for the best, this is how i some what rather cheer myself up... :(

I am missing you so much dearie, i am sorry at this point of time, i am not by your side to take good care of you and you know that i will for sure take good care of you... Forgive me cookie, please get well soon dearie, i am really worried here... 

A little something that i wanna share after seeing you like this yesterday... I really love seeing you like this dearie, hehe! :P XOXO! :)

I am counting my days, like literally... Counting down for what? NS!!! 
I don't know why, it has been so much of a burden for me... Why must i serve NS? Honestly, i am feeling afraid... :( 

Heyyyyy Cookie, 
Been ages since i have blogged about you and all, yesterday was just simply amazing that i met you after 3 days, i missed you so much dearie... Really! :( But then today, i wonder why, we end up in a fight... Been thinking about it dear, seems i have not been taking your presence well and seems i have taken you for granted dear... Thinking of those times, where i used to write letters for you, blog about you, surprise you with gifts and flowers... I just feel that i am not how i used to be with you dear... 

Knowing you are tired and sick dear, it is not possible for me to talk to you anything write now dear, because it isn't gonna help sweets... 
You know dear, no matter how much days and times passes, it seems that i can never get sick of being with someone and seeing with someone over over again... That i can say 100% ma! I wonder why and how, i treasure you so much that i am not willing or taking any chances of losing you, but as much as i don't wanna take any chances, some times, i feel that i have not been giving you much attention dear... :( Work, tired... etc, this has all never been an excuse for me dearie, but it seems for the past few days, this has been an excuse for me dear! I don't want this...

I am being a jerk her dear! I wanna show the world that no matter how long i am in a relationship with you, i should never show a day or even a while that i never care for you nor never show love to you. I want to show the world that i will keep showering you love and care passionately. 

Remember when we kissed yesterday dear, i swear, i felt so much of passion in it dear, passion for love! I wonder if it makes sense dear, i loved it so much, missed you greatly dear! Really!!! 

Baby, i love you so much dear, i have never wanna give any burden to you, at times i feel that i not being treated well dear, sorry b! But yet, this doesn't being me down all b, cause it is your way of showing your love to me dear, i understand dear... Remember this dear, i will never EVER take any chances of losing you... I need you in my life dear, without you, it;s just total darkness for me dear! Forgive me for all the bad times you have gone through because of me, i am working real hard to ensure i have all it takes to marry you dear!!!! I love you so much dear! 

Today i can only describe it using just by one work, "TIRED"...
Some how rather, today i had my vocational assessment. I only had a power nap last night which was like at 1-2 am. After that, i was awake through out!!! 

GERMANY 1 ARGENTINA 0...
So as i have already told whoever who told me what would my answer be.... Germany carrying the world cup! It was a classy goal by Mario Gotze.... :) There were a couple of chances from Argentina, but there wasn't luck for them... At that time, my poor love was having trouble with her nose stud! Sigh! I wasn't really much of a help either... :( By the time the game ended, baby was asleep! As for me, i had to shower and go off to Changi for my Assessment! I was rather late and had to spend 10 dollars because i was not sure where to get down, i was like half an hour late! :( 
And so, first was some IQ test followed by lunch and then the IPPT test and lastly with the interview, this was the sequence for today's events at Hendon Camp!!! Unexpectedly, all phones were to be given away for security purposes! :( I was able to text pumpkin that i won;t be having phone and all... yay! :)

After the assessment, there was a bit of a mini argument between me and dearie but i ended up in hougang meeting her! hehe! That's what that matters! I missed baby so much! Seems she was having a hard time at home and all, at this point of time, i would really hope to shower her with so much of love, care and comfort to make her feel better! That's all i can think of right now... I won't disagree that at times, baby doesn't really text much and all, but i have to bare one thing in mind that sometimes, there is such thing as give and take policy in a relationship! And i am practicing that right now... I love baby so much and all i wanna do is ensure baby is happy! That's all that matters to me more than anything else... Its common for all boyfriends to thing such but also, i really hope to not annoy her much! :( That's what i am afraid...
FAITH, HOPE & LOVE! :) Believing in it still and always! :) hehe!
TMRW WORK!!! SIAN!!!!!!

Its gonna be the end of the second week of July... Lets just say there were some activities that have happened along the way that i would like to share about during this days...

7/7/2014

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRI S/O KRISHANASAMY!!!!
Yes yes, its my birthday and i am 21! Damn, am feeling kinda old, shit, the next time of life, after this date, things are just gonna be very fast for me in life... :( Sigh! But was an ordinary day for me! All my friends were asking, 21st birthday, how did you celebrate? What can i say much, was at home! Brought my girlfriend to Sushi Tei! :) That was the only thing that i was glad and happy about, that i spend my birthday with my girlfriend :) I mean yeah of course, also to thank Sasi for the effort he have done to come all the way to my place and wish me, buying my a cake and all, it was really sweet of you man, but i just feel its best to still have some distance with you and all, not like how we used to be da maccha! Sorry! And the plan to so call surprise my love, but it didn't turn out good i guess, not really what i expected... But in the end, i did brought her to sushi tei as i have told her that i would bring her one day and i did on my birthday :) Thank you Darshini akka :) hehe! Follow giving my the permission and helping me along!!! Baby, i hope you had a good time on that day but b, please, i didn't mean to fool you or anything dear, why you have to think as such, all i wanted was to surprise you dear, that's all pumpkin! XOXO!!!

Days just passed by... Work getting boring and boring... Oh and did i mention that baby took for me a shirt and shorts from cotton on, she chose for me and it was really nice! :) Thanks baby! :) hehe! My sis got me an electric shaver! Thanks sis! Eveytime during my birthday i would always wish everyone is fine and healthy but unexpectedly, a friend of mine who also celebrates the same day as my birthday, is her birthday too, her dad passed away! My condolences to you Steffi! ;(

 Yesterday...
12/7/2014

After so long, baby and i met Thiru and Saranya! :) We went to Lau Pasat near raffles to have sting ray and satay and after that we went to the raffles water place there sitting down and all, from there i went to fetch dearie at Pasir ris and from there went back home. We both started work at 10 and ended at 5, after work, we met them and off we went... It was so good to see them after so long and also the part they wanted to see and my girlfriend! :) in fact, baby had a good time too, but the poor thing is that, she was so tired and i really have to thank her for pulling through the day for me! She did have plans with her mother and cousins and all, but she was really nice to agree with me to meet my friends, i really want to thank you for that dearie! :) My friends had a good time with us too dear! :) Good impressions from them about you too sweetie! :) Hehe! :) WIll tell you soon while texting or when i see you :) They are kinda hoping for a day to meet again dearie, most likely on the 26 baby! Not confirm yet! Will let you know again pumkin! XOXOXO!

I am missing you baby! Muacks!!!!!!

Hey b, how are you? Its like 1.39 already and there is no text anything from you? I hope you are fine ma! Really!!! Hope you have eaten? I have texted you so many messages, but there is no reply from you ma, i wonder if you can reply or you're unable to reply, i not too sure also ma! I am kinda worried. Almost half a day has gone, hoping to hear from you ma! Having a bad day so far dear, got scolding all from boss, sigh! I am missing you dear. I have been literally having my phone with me waiting for your text dear! I dunno why! I hope i am not annoying you dear! I could continue texting there and all, but i am not sure if i might be bothering you or annoying you dear! That's why! please get back to me asap! please baby, please!!!

I am trying to the best guy i can be dear, i mean, you yourself agree that no one is perfect dear, but i always try to make myself good in everything dear... Sometimes, to be frank, most of the times, the things i do some how annoys you dear, i dunno why... :( I never raise voice, i always share my opinion, i have never wanted to control you nor hold on to you on anything dear, but yet, why b, why? Why do i at times get scolding and all dear... :( Last night, you know an argument at night would really affect my sleep... I am not blaming you for such ma, please, don't get me wrong, but dear, was there anything wrong i said... I swear i didn't sleep dear, i couldn't sleep... I have always tried my best to make you feel better dear, also try to cheer you up b... You know how much i love you right sweetie, you do know how much i care for you and all right dearie... I sometimes feel worthless dear, i always annoy you? When was the last time we talked things out and like give in and take all dear, when was the last time we do this like this dear... Understand one another, make things easier for one another...

Good morning baby... Good morning Munch, you know how it feels hearing this from you dear, why is it that the person who would makes my day usually used to say such but now... but some other people would say this? I don't really know what has been bothering you dear, i understand the fact that you have been feeling tired and all, plus work also you've got things to do and all...

But dear, i can't really keep things to myself dear, no matter how sad i feel, i would wanna tell people, but i don't wish to share things with other but only you dear, that's why i am blogging it out now, i feel so heavy dear... :( ON the train also, " I am not stopping you, you want you can leave with another girl all... but tell me if you wanna leave...?" B, this still is bothering me dear, no guy would ever wanna hear this dear, really ma! I mean its true, but think about it this way, " Don't you dare leave me understand, you think i am gonna allow some guy just take you is it?" I sign of possessiveness, makes you feel like as though there is someone who loves you a lot and just wouldn't wanna let you go... But dear, if you were to tell, you wanna leave you leave, how would i even feel dear? Have you realized this and all dear? Knowing how much i love you and knowing how much i am willing to go extra mile to do anything for you, would any guy would wanna hear such from the girl he loves and adores so much dear? I can never be angry dear, i can't afford to be mad, that's why feel so down, feeling so sore and hurt dear, sometimes the words you use on me, can be so hurting when you are angry dear, I understand, people say things when they are angry dear, don't worry, i will never say anything about that, but dear, have i ever demanded things from you?!

I want to get things right between us dear, i wanna get things smooth between us, would you please give me a chance to things out to you dear? Or is there anything that you want me to do, want me to change, i will do dear, really? Want me to dress up nicely, want me shave everyday all, i will do dear! Really! Anything so that you will not get annoyed with me or anything dear! Please! I am so sorry if i have said anything to hurt you dear... I didn't even have a proper birthday also ma, i have been feeling so down....

I miss you so much dear, please baby please, whatever i say or do, i have also put my thoughts to it that i want the best for you and not to control you dear! Please dear! I have never thought of controlling you baby! PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS DEAR! PLEASE!!!!

Question: How were you so sure that you would be together                     one day?

"Every love has its time. That time was not ours, But that doesn't mean it wasn't love...

I had faith in my love. If god can bow down in the face of love, How does time stand a chance? If it had to change..."

Last night I fell in love with you
All over again,
More deeply in love,
Than ever before.
No one has ever expressed their love for me
With such beautiful and kind words.

Last night I fell in love with you
All over again,
With such stronger faith
Than ever before.
Knowing that you will always be there for me
When dark shadows enter my life.

Last night I  fell in love with you
All over again
With a stronger friendship
Than ever before
When ever I need a tender shoulder to cry on
I know you will wipe away the tears

Last night I feel in love with you
All over again
With more respect
Than ever before
I look up to you and admire your strength
In turn you have strengthen me

Last I feel in love with you
All over again
With such care
Than ever before
Now I truly believe how much you care for me
You have given me life.

Last night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more happiness
Than ever before
You have brought back to me smiles and laughter
Through your loving eyes.

I bought everything already, flower on the side, dishes in front of her and all set, I took an image of how I've prepared, dammit I can't post it here, sigh! As time passes, I'm feeling nervous, scared, anxious, honestly, I'm shivering, what would she react to this? Would I piss her even more, or am I gonna be in trouble? Gawd, whatever it is, please give me the strength to accept it, please give me the courage to be strong... I'm asking this to myself, why am I feeling this way!!!! :( I'm so so so so afraid. My heart is beating even faster and faster... The more I look around finding for her, the more I'm feeling anxious!!!!!

I'm gonna meet her now, feeling so nervous. Hoping my best that I don't annoy her in any way, I'm just preparing myself for anything, her response seems not really like as though she is looking forward to meet me, I'm feeling anxious, I wonder why, left work earlier. My legs keep moving about, I don't know why. I want to just make things right... Really hoping!!!! I'm really hoping so much. :( ;(

Thank you Prithi. Thank you so much for answering my call, hearing my sorrows and agreeing to meet me, thank you... At this point of time, i couldn't ask much and just be thankful that she is allowing me to see her, while she was on the line, just now, i could some how just realize that she seems not bothered about me already! :( I really deserve this, i swear!!! Its really hurting you know, i wonder when am i gonna hear from her saying to me bubzy, or will i even hear that from her again, i swear i have no idea! I have to bare and face the consequences for hurting her... But i am willing to face what ever it is, i am willing to go extra mile to make things back to how it was, i shouldn't waste any time and get the chances i get with her before i am gone... :(

You see, you see, she is online, I want to talk to her, should I? What would she reply to me?  Gawd!!!

I am prolly in the worse stage of my life where i was foolish enough to hurt a soul that means so much to me more than the world. Why? Why should I be so angry and agitated at that point of time? Why should i lay my hands on her? I did told myself that i must never lay my hands on her, no the first nor the second but many times... I have caused her great pain, here i am faking myself and the world thinking i am fine, things will be better, NO... :( Each time and minute, every second, i am hating myself... :( I am feeling pissed, i was happy with you, i had to blow things up...
Today, i was in the MRT, i saw a woman with the same finger nail polish color as hers, the same bright blue... a different lady carrying the same black bata bag as hers... I am really going insane... If i can have that much of guts to raise my hands at that point of time on her, why can't i simply try talking to her? I swear i can't, i never will, i am feeling so scared to see her, even text her... I am fearing what she might reply! I swear i am feeling guilty, but if i ever see her right now, i will breakdown and hold her hands towards my face and apologize. No one knows how much i greatly miss her so much... Its been 2 days since the incident happen... I want to call her, talk to her, see her, speak to her face to face, but if she were to ever see me, prolly she would spit at my face for how i reacted to her... :( What am i to do? Who am i to tell? I really miss her, i am ashamed of myself that i brought upon this to myself, is there any way that she would ever want to see me again?

Dear Prithi,
I never had the guts to face you after what happened to Sunday, and yesterday there were times that i was not replying, not because i couldn't but because i am living in guilt... I have lost someone who means so much more than the world to me by simply just laying my hands on you... I really want you back but it was clear cut that you don't wish to see me again... :( Feeling lost without you, i can't do anything right! No peace at work, i don't feel like talking to anyone, no one to cry on... I still feel lonely though there are people around me... I text-ed your brother on Sunday, but it seems he also didn't reply to me, i guessed i have made him angry either. How are you? Have you eaten? Questions like this are simply coming to my mind, i swear i didn't block you, everytime i create a new chat to you, i would type, before i would want to send, i would think if i should send or not, but knowing the replies i might get from you, i would delete everything, sometimes the way you reply hurts me either... I feel like a rotten vegetable... I can't pull this any more longer or the question is for how long more am i going to pull this over??? :( Its suicide i swear. No appetite to eat, no mood to work, lost my sleep, having bad dreams each time... How more should i be punished? How long more? Prithi, i am not asking for forgiveness, but all i ask is at that point of time, please think awhile of what situation i was in, please...  Knowing you were unwell, also, i didn't wanna give you any work to do, i was alone handling upstairs... Please think through Prihti! I am not justifying my act, i swear i am not, its not gonna change any fact that i still laid my hands on you, but Prithi, please think for a minute, am i really capable of hurting as much as i love you and treasure moments with you??? :( I am feeling the worse stage of my life, i have no one to be cry to or tell, i honestly don't know what condition am i gonna be in, each time, my heart is getting heavier and heavier... Prithi please, i am so sorry for all the pain i have given you... People are mocking at me for loving you so much, i am being humiliated by the managers... :( This can never be a bigger punishment i swear! ;(