Nothing to freak out about girl... Usually, a girl might feel scared or freaked out seeing a guy just putting images of her suddenly, like compiling her childhood images all and out like this... I understand girl... Dun be afraid of anything cookie please... A song dedicated to you too my dear... Been days i guess..

Can't really accept what happened between us, am still thinking its a dream and not reality dear... Understand there are many things going on your mind and maybe right now, you being alone is better for you with the things going on in your mind... I understand dear... I understand... The least i can do it give you all the time you need and the space you want... If you feel like its okay that we can talk anything, please dear, let me know alright... Dun think i am having a good time or anything, i know how it feels like without you, sometimes to think of it, i really have a hard time going on right now... Just need you by my side, i wanna just cuddle you so tight and apologize to you, that's all i can do for now... Small things when you feel down in twitter and all, just want to tell you and let you know that, am always here if you need anything, just one call or text, giri, i want this, i want that, i am happy to do that for you dear... I am not mixing up saying that, by doing this, you might feel the love for me or what...  I just care for you and i want you to be happy, always alright dear... I am really missing you a lot dear... 

About today morning, i am so sorry i didn't answer your calls, was awake like till 3 like that, but you didn't reply anything ma... I just slept ma... Wondering you might be still mad that i provoked you, but i just feel that i didn't do anything wrong ma, was happy you called and was waiting to talk to you and all, but you sound so annoyed and like pissed talking to me, i understand the situation you were in... Not saying i didn't... Just take care of yourself ma... Please... Please dun think i am telling you do this and do that and all, i am never want to control you or anything, again cookie, i care for you and your health, alright dear... Dun mistake me if i am telling you what to do and all! 

I love you Prithi!

Monday... 
Went to training yeah! Did jogging and some ball work in school like evening like that, work up late as well! So reached home like at 10 plus, and then went off, told mother had some party at work in the end up going sasi place, hahas! Movie time, Watching Aadhi Bahgavan... hehe! :P Bought some drinks there as well, not so heavy drinks all la! Just wanted to chill, Pravin influenced me with colt 45 i think, it was a beer... Not hiding anything cookie, sometimes by me telling you directly, you might get mad and all, in another way of telling or informing you would be through my blog, my purpose of blog is also to update you things dear... Cause sometimes, i dun really know when can i text you and all, knowing you mum might check your phone and things... so yeah! Please forgive me alright... While there, cookie couldn't sleep, wanted to leave Sasi place, they were kinda mad that i wanted to leave their house, so had to stay, but cookie couldn't sleep... :( Haiz..

Tuesday..,
Woke up so lethargic, felt so tired, once awake, when back home, rested there and went to meet sasi and then collect pay at Tai seng, Cookie was outside, was kinda agitated myself that before i even tell i going sasi place, i should have asked her if she was going out or not... I mean it was last minute for her, bought felt that i wasted a day that i could have spend some time with her... Least awhile... After that, went for game, won game 4-0! Played full game! YAY! :) hahas! :P After that, came back home and was not really that tired, was waiting if i could talk to cookie... I did, but i guess i provoked her again and again! 
I was so sad that, every time i wanted to talk to cookie, i some how end up annoying her, but i of course i dun mean it, cookie, you called me, cause you could not breath and all, i had to think of solutions wad ma... I was glad you called, guessing i made things worse... Cookie, i needed time to find solutions ma, i sent you when i did some research, in the end you did not reply anything ma... Were you so mad at me ma? I am sorry ma! 

Well, some weekends i would say...
Friday and Saturday, i spend this 2 days working at Sentosa and hell it was a lot of work i would say, a lot of carrying to do plus on a hot day! I swear it was tiring yeah! Not much of sleep plus just felt so weak and tired, damn tired... 

Sunday... The day before Sunday night, i kinda fought with cookie i guess, the whole day she didn't text plus, i was thinking maybe it would be better if i leave her alone... But seems that there were issues going in her house and all! Told mother, going for work in the end I went near her place ah! Hmmm, guessing she was still mad at me... :( Went to Sasi place, it was kinda sudden but had movie time there where i watch the sinister, hahas! Freaky and scary yeah... Damn, but some how, she could not sleep, so still went there... 
One thing, i learned that if i wanna do something, try not to spend money on that, cause cookie dun really like that, in a way, i annoyed her in that way too... Kept annoying her laaa... :( She felt so frustrated when talking to me and all, i mean the way she talked la, so went to her place and in the end left her house like 4 plus yeah! We talked awhile la, but she was too tired yeah... Poor cookie... :( 

Past 4 days, have not been updating anything and all, lots have happened and lots to say, now, just isn't the time for me to say anything as i am kinda rushing and all! Will update soon later! Just wanted to share something...

Sometimes, when someone falls in love, he just falls, he feels that being with that person, it might mean something to him, special attention for that person, special feelings for that person he loves, but once he falls, its hard to resist the feeling unless he had fallen for the wrong person.... What if he had fallen for the right one...? She may not feel for him, but to him, she is the one... Situation now is like, the girl i love, has forgotten about me, like end up in an accident where she lost all her memories about me... Now, here i am trying to make her think and feel for me again... :) :( Its a 50-50 thing where i am feeling happy and sad, happy part is that i am again back to the time where i am making her fall in love with me again, but the sad part is that, its kinda hard to accept that, she isn't really mine anymore... :(

Fighting and still am... Hoping and believing in faith.... 

Well well well... Hahas! Updates for yesterday and today! hahas! :P
Wednesday (18/8/2013)
Well, its a Wednesday, Woke up late, like about 12-1 plus, hahas! Was damn tired and lazy la! hehe! Was texting cookie and all, but it didn't seem proper, she sounded so like no mood to text and all! I mean i understand, she just woke up and all... so yeah... Had to help Bing in order for him to pass Pull-ups for POLITE, so that he can participate, so i went to school, did some gym work outs and all! hahas! After that, went back home... Decided to spend the night at cookie place so lied to mother saying got camp in school and then went! hehe! :P So and yeah... I took my time, took 856 from my place, went to yishun interchange and then took 854, my dad was on leave that was why i was able to go to the interchange, if he was working i would have taken the Mrt to Katib and then take bus from there... hahahas! Once reached cookie place, hahas! Bought her milk tea and snickers... :) So, I kinda helped her clear her cupboard, but wasn't fully completed yet and oh, also, her lights.... hehe! 

There you can see cookie in the image as well, hehe! I think she dun really know that i was taking an image of it... hahas! Then, did some clearing of her clothes with her, cause some of it she had to give it away to the salvation army or something, hahas! :P 

OMG, FINALLY SAW HER IN THE BROWN DRESS AFTER MONTHS, the dress i bought for her from Cambodia, i swear she was gorgeous, Fuck la! Should have taken an image of it 

;( ARGHHHHHHHH.... I hope to see her often in those kind of dresses, i really loved it seeing her in those kind of dresses, i couldn't resist not looking at her, in fact, my eyes was just on her... hehe! :) Then, was about time where i had to leave and all... I think before i leave, i kinda made her mad or something i guess... I couldn't believe that the time being with her just ended so fast, i was kind frustrated that should i leave... Dear, just wanna say, till now, i only remember the happy moments with you... Cause that is what that matters to me, nothing else... Try ma, when you free or what, just think awhile, 1 minute or something, the times we had and all ma... Those times were just awesome to me, i am not too sure for you ma... I just adore those moments being with you so much...

It was full moon like 5 plus, hahas! Was waiting for bus to arrive like 6 plus, freaking sleepy and hungry some more, Gosh, i was walking around and around like for an hour plus, i was afraid that i might over sleep so i had to be awake, was just sitting at the bus stop till the bus arrives...

Well, reached home today like 8 plus, slept and woke up like at 1-2 plus, went to hougang, hehe! Cookie wanted milk tea and was lazy ah that pig... So thought maybe i can get for her and then see her at the same time, and so did, was with her like 20 minutes and then left to school... Went for a run in school, was a good run and then did some ball walk and had macs for dinner and now blogging hahas! ;P

Dear, I am sorry that i made you feel uneasy or guilty or how you are feeling when you told me just now ma! Look dear, i dun mean to hurt you or make you feel that way, please dun feel bad that you are making things difficult for me or wad! Not at all ma! When the person was with you and so close, sometimes you tend to not appreciate or spend that much time with them, but when the person is gone, or left you or something, that's when you will feel that you miss that person's presence... I am kinda responsible for how you felt this way towards me dear... I also have thought that why do i have to do such things for someone that i have never in my life done before for anyone else??? The thing i dear, i have not loved someone this much dear... Things i do, is not to impress you in anyway, i have no intentions as well, but i feel that its worth doing for that person you love so much cause in the end, the satisfaction that you have given the person, the happiness and the care you show for that person and the love you have for that person... Might takes days or even months for you to understand my love towards you dear... Its alright... I will wait and continue waiting... I dun and never regret doing things for you dear... You mean so much to me that i have never regretted anything doing for you... I love you so much cookie, just love you so much... One day you will realize my love for you dear... One day, i have faith by my side... hahas! :P Muacks!

I am just happiness, joy and can just keep saying la! So happyyyyyy.... Will tell you in awhile....
Well, as for today, met cookie in the morning, well, went there like at 10... Waited for like 2 hours, kinda pissed her yesterday la! Dei Giri, dun remind her this la ass... Well, bought her juice but in the end, i had to drink it, hahas! Brought her cupcake as well! Followed her all the way to Funan for her to get her, headset! :) It was kinda cool yeah! After that, followed her back home and than from there i went back home and then went for my game... 
First time, i played Centre back! I had a decent game la! Praises from team mates and coach, but in the end lost 8-1, after game, her gave fitness like hell la, i swear i was damn shagged! hahas! Damn... Once reached home, was texting cookie, poor she, she was hungry plus ear pain, i couldn't help it la really! Plus, she very lazy one... I no heart just be like that at home, Went out, took a cab, bought her maggie, snickers, milk tea and also brought her the ointment for her bloated tummy!

Once there, i tried calling her and all, went near her house, outside her window...
She was already eating la! :( Was glad that she was eating but was afraid that she might eat too much plus i also got bring food some more! hehe! Went up her room there, she then told me... SHE COOKED MAGGIE HERSELF AND ATE LA... Cookie cooked, omg....
I was so glad to hear that plus shocked, didn't expect this from her, well done sweetheart... XOXO! So went in, massaged her tummy with the oil, was looking through her images, we were doing some light thing la... 

These are the lights, more like she was doing.. hehe! Than was massaging her, glad she felt so relaxed, her muscles were so tensed and all! Was so glad she felt good! :) Then off, back home now, blogging! hahas!

Felt cookie palms on my face, she cuddled me... Those touches from her, i missed them so much... I was lying on her... Felt so nice being with her, I didn't think anything much or wad here, just wanna emphasize on the part where i missed her touches so much... Felt so... I dun know how to say or describe, a feeling that i just didn't wanna let go of her hands... Just wanted to keep it to myself... Thanks cookie, had an awesome time! <3

Watching the korean drama, Dear, having bloated stomach, omg! Haiz! Hope it gets better before or while she sleeps! I was singing song happily and all sia! Like the yar inda salai oram song, i doubt cookie heard it! hahas! but some how was kinda praying that she might hear... Reminds me of the time, when we first were talking via skype, i was like so quite and humble la! hahas! I doubt i even do such goofy things and all... I didn't even realize i can even do this things la! Like being open... :) 

So many things i can tell la, i am having this feeling like as though this was the time when i started to know cookie and all! :) hahas! Bringing me to my old memories and all! Times with cookie was just amazing la!... I can keep repeating la! Honestly, my  posts all, got like almost all about the same la! hahas! :P Oh cookie, i am just waiting for the time, when i can cuddle you up tight and let go, currently, i can't do that, cause i am just a friend to you, even if you allow me to do so, i won't ma, you should know me what dear... Wanna just hug you tight ma! I am missing you so much dear! 

I am missing so many thing from you dear! I miss holding your hands, feeling your palm on my face, all this ma! I am not really depressed while i am typing this out ma! I just can't resist, every time i be with you, the urge of just holding you towards me, but it isn't me ma! I can never do that to someone ma! Yes, i love her, but in return if she does't, it seems wrong to me dear! 

Hahas! Today, my soccer mates, Dylan, sasi and Bing, were like were you been da? Cause i have been MIA la! They knew what was going on with me and all la! But its just that they dun wanna hurt me or remind me by asking me any questions regarding me and cookie... But whenever they ask, i dunno what to say la! Just saying, going well, i dun wan people to know about this... Really, i dun wan! Just dun wan! I wanna maintain this, till i get my Cookie back... 

Sometimes, you need patience in order to succeed in certain things, but for me, the most important right now, is the time... Cookie taught me that some times, you have to think in a practical and reality manner, but for certain things i can't except it! Like for instance, the when you lose something or someone, dun turn back, this is how you succeed in life... Hmmm... Its all also about the determination and the willing la! Certain things you lose, you can't get back, like you lose your life, you can't... 
For me, i have not lost my love, its just time wasn't by my side that i had to face such a big hit now... Well, i have to face it, but i am not gonna give up on it, i will fight for it....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PRITHI! Times when i want to tell you this face to face, hold your hands... Haiz! Waiting and will continue to wait...

Later i am having a game, this game is gonna decide few things in life and gonna make some decisions for me as well... Will update later, better sleep now sia! Cookie call, i did not pick up, i sure die! :(

Some day today! hahas! All i know is i was with Cookie! that's what that matters to me :) Had a good time with her i guess, still can't accept the fact that she isn't mine, but she soon will...  No where am i gonna lose her to anyone ahhhh!!! Damn... Stress sia, to think of it, like what she say, time changes everything, hopefully god hears me and hope does she as well! Its Onam today! :) hahahs! :P Happy Onam yeah! :) hahas! :P Followed her to Kent road, her granny place, she had good feast! :) I had chicken rice la! haiz! hehe! :P Well, waited for her la! After that, went to Tekka, she had to buy certain things, after that followed her to orchard when she had to meet her mother, hahas! :p Bad day for her, cause she end up some argument with her mother i guess! haiz! Poor cookie, what she did ah? Nothing and yet she got the shit, i end up getting also! hahas :P Then went to training, cause bing called suddenly join him go for run all! Pity him la! Had to join him! hahas! :P Now skyping with cookie! Cannot everyday say about love la! hehe! Today break ah! :P 

Just because you lose you lose something and someone, it does not mean its the end of the world... There is such thing, "Fight for what you believe in..." Do what your heart tells, not you mind... If its worth that much to you, go for it... Not move on... :P

There are substitutes, maybe for everything but not for all the things in the world. Sometimes you might wonder if things changes or not, at times it's best to remain unchanged! You can even be sure that it can never change but you can't be too sure that it will change! But it's never not worth fighting for something if you believe in it! Now, I dun need to tell what I am fighting for or believing in it but I think it's worth. Felt in love so easily and all, but now it's worth fighting for it, because its not a joke nor its not like not worth.

I've seen people fighting for what they want so badly, the hardwork they put and the pain and tears they go through, same here! For some it's not worth even the girl I love might think its not worth or bullshit, I'm just saying la........
But she means a lot to me! I can't just simply give up on something like that... I'll do whatever it takes to get my life back to me, my life meaning you! Some words are exaggerating, but I mean it... Things never comes back to you whenever it wants or it can, sometimes you have to put a hard fight to it... I may have lost certain things in life that means much to me but no where am I gonna lose her, but sometimes I can't make her understand how much she means to me, maybe I just didn't put in much effort than before, than I shall, and I will!

I am sorry if i did not reply to your messages ma! I woke up like only about 4 plus ma! I really couldn't sleep at all! Wasn't well either! alright ma! let me explain... After this, it is up to you to forgive me or not ma...

1. Menega issue...
Ma, first menaga is just a friend to me, before even we went go on together, yes we went out ma, i didn't deny that, but she wasn't the type of person that i would wan to be with ma... After we went on together, whenever we had issues or anything, she was there to advise me and all ma! There were times where she acted a bit weirdly, i wasn't really comfortable with her and all, but i didn't tell her this, i respected her as a friend ma! The reason why i told you after 10 months, that we both went out and all, is because, i felt that there wasn't a need for me to tell you this, cause there was nothing that happened between us, it was just friendship ma! Now i broke it, cause you still think that i can move on, if i break up with you, i can go on with someone else, makes me feel as though you dun really understand me how much i love you ma... How many times we fought ma, you tell me? How many times? Times when we even almost end up breaking up... If i dun love you sincerely and truly, i could have gone on with menega anytime wad ma! yes, she is attached... If i had not truly loved you, i would have gone on with her ma... Even along this 10 months, she was still there as a friend ma, cause i didn't wanna lose a friend like her ma, till now and always i have never imagined anyone being with me than only you ma! I want you to understand that... I didn't cheat you ma, in this, just wanna stress it to you, that if i was flinging or wasn't really sincere to you or if i was not honest, i would have gone with her, despite all the issues we had cookie, please understand that! Not that i wanted to hide from you... 


2. Sammantha issue
Ma, yes i agree that i didn't like you talking to your ex, beginning, i was so mad and all, but slowly, i changed that ma, yes, he is an ex, but the main thing was, i trust you and it isn't fair to you that i ask you to completely avoid him, cause you had no intentions, he is a flirt, slowly, i understood and changed myself ma. There were times where when i was down, i tweet about it, some how sammanta, showed some concern to me ma! It was all part of friendship ma! When you happen to be down, some how sai would cheer you up and would say like, no worries, cheer up, if anything, i am here, same with sammantha ma! 
till this date, yes, i have texted her and called her ma, but i have never met her ma, never will, cause i know you trust me ma! Things changed along the way ma, it doesn't mean that i hide things from you or anything ma! Please, dun, i beg you, please dun say i cheat you all, i didn't cheat you at all prithi... For the times, when you were mad all, you compared me with sai ma, not once but twice, yes, you were angry, when you were mad, you say things, but by then its too late wad ma... No guy would want to hear such a thing from his girlfriend being compared with her ex ma! No guy would want to hear such dear... 

For you one thing, for me one thing, its not like that ma, you didn't understand that, along this 10 months, i changed a lot ma, i feel i did, i understood you ma, i really did, things i did, it does not mean that i want to hide or not tell you ma, cause there was no need for me to tell cause it doesn't matter much to me at all dear... For instance, the para thing, i won't get mad even if you said you were going out with him and all before we met all ma... People change along the way dear, i am not really interested in the past, but no guy would ever one something like that to happen now ma!.. 

I am sorry if you felt that i wasn't honest to you or anything ma! I swear, i didn't mean to cheat you on anything dear, please, i beg you in this... Dun feel disgusted that you loved me ma! Till now, i only remember the happy moments being with you dear, but why could't you do such too ma? :( Yes, things have happened a lot at home ma, i understand, even now also, you were the one who chose to end it with me wad moi, i didn't wad... Cause i still love you and always do dear... I have never wanted to cheat you dear, NEVER had in my mind... Till now, i only keep happy moments being with you dear, nothing more than that... Please dun say that my love for you was fake or anything ma... Please... I swear i couldn't sleep at all yesterday after those things you say ma.... I dun expect you to talk or text me or anything right now ma! Take your time, take all the time you want dear... I will be waiting for you... 

Prithi, i love you so much.... ;(

"All Hail the cry baby", after seeing this from cookie, i dun even dare cry for anything, is like all just... I dunno how to use the correct word ah! Been almost a day already, and here i am thinking and thinking where should i go and what should i do, been home all day, and the best thing i can do is avoid conversation with my mother... I swear if she were to bring about cookie, i am just gonna explode and tell her off! Feeling sick all day! Being at home, makes me think of all the pass memories.... I miss times calling you b cookie :( Do you still hate me that much cookie? Have you literally made your mind saying that you don't wan me in your life anymore or like just feel that its the end between us moi? I really cannot accept this fact ma! I keep praying everyday... 

"God, please, please accept my deepest apology for the sins i have done or anything wrong i did, I dun ask anything else, i just want my life back with Prithi, times when i say this 3 words, "I love you...", times went i update here what i am doing and where i am going... Seems like i have no life, but i enjoy doing such things, have never felt anything like being controlled or anything... Cookie, i have no intentions of controlling you and your life ma, really... What makes you think that i wanna do such... Yes, there were some incidents that made you feel that way cookie, but i just care and love you so much that i am so keen on what's going on, in your daily life... Please dun compare me with your parents ma... Please... 
;(
Just isn't the same without you, and i can just keep saying this again and again! You have moved on ma, i can see that, seeing you tweets, being fun, laughing here and there... I can't pretend to do things that i dun feel like ma, laughing one side and being shitty in the inside... Just wanna cuddle you cookie, hold you in my arms and shed tears, apologizing to you and seeking forgiveness for what i have done to you... I am just saying ma, isn't the same without you girl! Just isn't the same, lost an important thing in my life... Trying my best to get it back, that's all that is inside my mind now... I still love you cookie, I always do... I am sorry for putting you in this situation girl... I am so sorry, so sorry... This can never be out of my head, i saw you tear when i was near your house, window there, when we talking and all, I couldn't bear to see you in tears dear... Am not putting some movie scene here ma! Not all guys are strong or could easily move on, i have seen my friends being strong and simply just move on with another girl all! I have so many friends like that, but as days goes, even if i happen to see another girl, even if she is hot, better in character and everything, i can never go on with that person ma... No one can replace you ma! Really! There is no reason why to it, maybe there is just one reason, because i still love you prithi.m.nair... I sincerely and truly love you... I have given all the space you one girl, you have, maybe in other words, you are free from what you were just now, Please dun get me wrong if i am assuming ah!!! I am just saying... Not saying that you might say such things, so please, alright dear...

I hope you are doing fine... I am missing you so much here! Really so much... I love you always dear... ;(

A question was asked to me yesterday by cookie, " DO you really love me?..." I know she saw something, and yet i didn't know what is it about! Some day you will understand my love for you cookie, I am willing to wait for... Maybe now, i am just an ordinary person or you might even treat me invincible, but no one, i mean no one, can ever replace you or will replace you... :( Please, dun ask me such questions alright...  

Tu hi ye mujh ko bataa de
Chaahoon main yaa naa
Apne tu dil ka pataa de
Chaahoon main yaa naa
You only tell me,
should I love or not,
Tell me about your heart,
Should I love or not..

Itna bata doon tujh ko
Chaahat pe apni mujh ko
Yoon to nahi ikhtiyaar
Phir bhi yeh sochaa dil ne
Ab jo lagaa hoon milne
Poochhoon tujhe ek baar
I'll tell you so much,
On my love,
I don't have so much control,
Still the heart thought once,
Now that I've begun to meet,
I should ask you once..

Tu hi ye mujh ko bataa de
Chaahoon main yaa naa
Apne tu dil ka pataa de
Chaahoon main yaa naa

Aisee kabhee pehle hui naa thi khwaahishein
O.. kisee se bhi milne ki
Naa ki thi koshishein
Uljhan meri suljhaa de
Chaahoon main yaa naa
Aankhon aankhon mein jataa dey
Chaahoon main yaa naa
There were never such wishes before,
Never had I tried to meet
someone like that..
Disentangle my problems,
Should I love or not..
say to me within eyes,
Should I love or not..

Mere chhote chhote khwaab hain
Khwaabon mein geet hain
Geeton mein zindagi hai
Chaahat hai, preet hai
Abhi main na dekhoon khwaab wo
Jin mein na tu mile
Le kholey honth maine
Ab tak the jo sile
I have some small dreams,
In those dreams there are songs,
In songs, there is life,
love, and longing..
Now I don't dream those dreams,
in which you aren't there..
See, I open these lips (to agree)
that I had kept closed till now..

Mujh ko na jitna mujh pe
Utna is dil ko tujh pe
Hone laga aetbaar
Tanhaa lamhon mein apne
Bunti hoon tere sapne
Tujh se hua mujh ko pyaar..
My heart believes you so much
as I don't believe even myself..
In my lone moments,
I dream about you,
I have fallen in love with you..

Poochungi tujh ko kabhi naa
Chaahoon main yaa naa..
Tere khwaabon mein ab jeena
Chaahoon main kyun naa..
I'll never ask you
Should I love or not..
Now I have to live in your dreams
Should I love or not..

Evey time when i feel down or depressed, some how hearing to this song, makes me feel some how better! What other reason do i have to be feel down or depressed but this... 

Usually, when people blog, there usually tend to blog about their feelings, some times, when they do not know who to tell about or some how, feel uneasy about telling others, they tend to blog about it, a where to just let them let out how they feel and all! Same here i guess... I am thinking of going away, and not come back till maybe 14 October 2013!!!
Every time, when i am at home, my mother is enough to just make things worse for me... "Why you look so down, sad is it? about who?" SHE ALWAYS THINKS like that... Its painful whenever she tells this! Now i know how cookie felt when her mother said such things to her, always suspecting that she might be seeing me or Whatever.... i shouldn't complain wad, i caused some one's life miserable and this is what i get la! What else can i say, you tell me! 
I dunno how to say or tell how i feel, every single day i am just fighting and fighting... Just feel that before school reopen, something is just gonna hit me big time, i dunno... Feeling horrible each day, dun feel like seeing anyone, talk to anyone... Be with anyone... Angry at myself... So many miss calls each day, mad text messages each day... Wondering where is this gonna lead me... 

Think i will leave today or tomorrow, just wanna be away quick... ;(

For the past 3 days, things have been just been going some what fast and slow yeah!
Told my mother that will be going, for chalet and won't be back home for  2 days, but actual fact there isn't any chalet for me! hahas! :P Planned to surprise cookie ( New name  <3 ) hehe! Thought she might be going for chalet but in the end, she couldn't, in a way, i am the cause of it... :( So... On the Tuesday, after training, i went to Hougang straight, hahas! :) Spend the night there, managed to talk to cookie from the window, i was just glad to see her, we were talking and all, hahas! Like from the window for like 2 hours plus... 

Every guy who loves his girl so much, would always want her to be happy, but it seems that i have put her in a situation where things have been so hard for her, she have been going through a lot of shit, like what she said, she has been taking all the risk, not me... :( I have got to stop tearing and take some responsibilities on my hand as well... But i can't move on without cookie in my life, ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN THAT WAY... 

Well, after seeing her, went to Dylan place, slept there and then went back home! Took a nap there, and went to AMK to do something for cookie...

The feeling and the satisfaction doing for your loved one, its really nothing compared to anything else yeah! Its like as though you passed your test... I wonder how and why, in my 20 years, i have never did such a thing as shown above, but the sudden thought that i wanted to do something for cookie... I did all this by myself cookie, hope you like it, your favorite spongebob! :) Forgive me if i missed certain details like the cheeks ahhhhh... :) 

Well, after amk, went to some where else to get cookie something else she loves...

Cupcakes.... <3

She loves cupcakes, hahas :) I bought this for her, but the icing wasn't really nice though... 
Found something that i really wanna do for you, i wanna try baking cupcakes and surprise you cookie, shit, why did i say here! hehe! :P Nahhh, she won't know when she might get it... hehe! :P 

You can never be this much happy when you do something for your loved ones, the feeling is really amazing... :P God, i love you just so much Prithi. M. Nair! 
Man, i am singing, in front of the lappy to you, i am doing painting of a spongbob like what kids do... I am just going crazy you know, hahas! Do i really love you so much that i am doing all this? Guess i do!!!!!!!!
So, it was a Wednesday night and a Thursday morning, i went to her place to pass it to her, gosh she wasn't well either, :( After that went dylan place to overnight! hahas! These 2 days were just tiring la! hehe! :P I hope she like the cupcakes and Spongebob! :)

It was a thursday, Went early to her place there so that i could follow her to Kent road, going her aunty place i guess... Went to Farrer park and all! But on that day, just felt that, she didn't want me there i guess...
Sometimes, we guys have to understand that girls might wanna have their own space on their own, i felt that times, when she is out, i gotta give her some times to be alone but felt that i taking this time to be with her when she might want to be alone... Just saying! I am sorry cookie, i just wanted to spend the time being with you and all, but in future, if you dun feel like me coming or anything, please tell me cookie, please dun force yourself to do things just to make me happy cookie! I am always fine anything my dear... Just saying ah! Not assuming anything, its just a feeling i had, well, before she went, she brought me to Mustafa, so that i can have the milo she loves, well i did!  IT WAS REALLY DAMN NICE!!! HAHAHS! :P

Felt as though it has been long since i had an image with her, Well we did! :) hehe! I like the image above la!

After that went for training! It was the worse training ever i guess... 

For the past 2 weeks, i have not been able to focus on training well, feeling so lost, like as though i am not myself in the training... I say like that nvm, my coach is telling me that, my team mates are telling me that, sasi is playing better than me... :( Just could't focus on the training, thoughts were all about 31st October 2012, the day where you were there to see me play the game against TP! Polite competition... 

I don't know for how long can i do this, all i know is i don't wanna disappoint you... I dun wan you not talk to me, you just had to give me the condition that i have to make it and if not you won't talk to me, you ah! :( there is not a day i am trying cookie, but it isn't how it is like... :( I missing you a lot cookie...

Hoping something might happen today, I just waiting for you to say that you wanna go for camp today, once at night, if you are fine, i thought of bringing you to the beach, cold weather, raining, how about a ice cream as well! :) that was what you wanted moi! I bring you just leave you alone for awhile! I had plans to surprise you ma! A lot! hehe! Wont be at home, for the next 2 days, hahhas! Lets see how my luck goes... :)

At times, love is blind! But once you fall for it, you can never let it go! Its a feeling that you cannot overcome, i fell for it! That's why i can say this, hahas! For some, its easy, maybe due to other issues or they did not just find the right person in their life...
For the first time, i fell in love with someone who made a difference in my life, BUT THAT PIG WILL CONFIRM DENY this, PIG.... I have been feeling different this days, times when i try moving on, times when i have also thought maybe she isn't the one, times i might have even thought that she just don't know what is love!!! These were all just questions only, but somehow everyday it gets stronger and stronger!!! I cannot force someone to love me, but i can some how try to make that person fall in love me! She might just have no feelings for me... Something that i might have done to be the cause of it... I really dun mind go back to square one again, its that much love i have for you... Its like, your girlfriend, lost her memories of you, and somehow you are trying to make her fall in love with you again! You know the movies all, like kenna accident all, something like that... TOUCH WOOD... :( 

I love you so much dear, no matter what happens, i can't stop loving you honey!

You will always be loved dear... Please, DUN FORCE YOURSELF TO LOVE ME, You have all the space you have now, you have issues on your own, its alright, you are happy now also, its alright ma! Love doesn't just comes, it takes time to feel it, you may not feel it now... I still have hope ma, take all the time you want, days, months... Its alright dear! I care and just can't see you fall, no matter under what circumstances alright moi! I dun wanna repeat what i did, i'll wait moi, even its very long... Dun force yourself to do things, i just wan you be happy, thats all ma! If the things i do, hurts you or anything, i am sorry dear! If i can do something like bring you food, or do something as long as i have the strength to do, i will my love! I will for sure will... I love you so much dear! Hope you have eaten the food i bought for you ah! Pig! hahahs!

A something for you my love! Am always there for you moi! Not the person i was, but a whole new person right now to always make you smile :) 

Love makes you do things that you have not done before, hahas! I am so shocked that even a guy like me, doing this! I am sorry, i can't really sing much, but knowing this is one of moi's favorite songs, a little something for you moi! 

Hey dear, i am missing you so much :( I so call "Sang" a song dedicating this to you my love! Hope you might like it, i am sorry if it doesn't sound the way it suppose to be... :/

I can't tell how much i miss having you back in my life, its been really difficult accepting this, honstly, i dun wanna tell how much i love at this point of time but i wanna seek forgiveness for giving you hard time in your life ma... I am missing you so much... I wan you back in my life... :(

It was an awesome day for me, hahas! :) A day where i manage to get some memories of how my things started for me! Precious ones! Only that person know is enough for me! :)
Tiring day i gues... Here and there! hahash! Hopefully the outcome is fine !:)

Was with her, met her, sent her... The feeling of being with someone who means so much time can never be compared to anything, but just one thing, I was feeling a bit awkward, cause when I'm with you, I've like so many things to talk and all, but when see you I just go blank... Why?! Damn... I couldn't let her go, I didn't wanna let her go... When she left the mrt, was thinking if I should go out and call her back, it's gonna be embarrassing, omg... Thank god, she turned, I couldn't resist but to go out, was kinda shy to ask for a hug, but wanted to hug, just a casual hug... That's all I wanted... :) there she left... Gonna meet her mother and off to Malaysia! Have a safe trip and please take care of yourself... Come back soon...

She laughed, she talked to me... We both had a deal, ONLY BETWEEN US AH! hehe! :P But sorry to say, i can't promise you that! You should know what, for all the times, i have talked as a boyfriend, maybe from now on, wanna talk as a friend, a best friend... Maybe through that, i can understand you further... :) An opportunity for me... A changed person from now on, of course, i gonna miss many things that we have been through together, but i am not agreeing to the fact that its the end between us... This is a time for me to know you further and understand things... You're still my angel de! hehe! :P You can't stop me from loving you ah! PIGGGGGGGGGGG! :) Glad you talked to me and told me how you feel ma! So relieved to hear you and also you laughing, hehe! :P Read your book and then sleep de, dun wake up later ah pig, hehe! XOXO! :)

Beauty queen of only eighteen

She had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles

And wound up at your door

I've had you so many times

But somehow I want more

I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pourin' rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I know, I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

It's compromise that moves us along, yeah

My heart is full and my door's always open

You come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pourin' rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

I know where you hide alone in your car

Know all of the things that make you who you are

I know that goodbye means nothin' at all

Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Yeah, tap on my window, knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pourin' rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

And she will be loved, and she will be loved

(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)

Yeah, I don't mind spending everyday

(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)

Out on your corner in the pourin' rain

(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

I am dedicating this song to you b! How much i am missing you every minute of my life, not knowing how to tell you how much i feel about you, every time, i reply or respond to your text, i am pretending myself to be normal when i am not... Missing saying, "B, how are you? Have you eaten love? I am missing you too baby! Muacks..." Gosh, Its killing me every minute, knowing that i might tell you how i really feel about you might just aggrivate your anger, guessing its a one sided love, oh gosh!!! Another sobbing night i guess... Wishing i could change the way how she feel about me, all i seek is forgiveness!!! Baby, i miss you so much, but all i can say is here only and not directly to you... When can i tell this to you? When can i express my love to you? This isn't drama dear, its really me, a heart of a soul who is craving to see his love back to how it was...

Here I am watching my team mates train when I can't train at all. While watching them train, couldn't really focus as I got reminded of myself when I was playing for NYP against TP, the day when moi was watching the game! It's just reminds me la! Still can't forget that day, when I wasn't really suppose to play, but i had to cause I the other left back was injured! Felt the pressure in my heart! I was just terrified, one hand that I wasn't really mentally prepared and on the other when moi was there watching the game. I felt pressure and nervous, I mean every guy would wanna play at their level beat in front of the loved ones, yes, I think I played my best, no really satisfied as I was the cause of the third goal. It was damn embarrassing. I was more concern that what would moi think of me instead of my coach! It doesn't make sense ah! Hahaz! Was it all just memories?! It was something beyond that to me! Moments I treasure till now. No one would understand that...

I just wanna change things, be the better person for you?! Be the guy you wan him to be, be the person who you would love? But I just end up screwing it, I still have faith, I can't just move on ma, you are the reason I play with a better
Mind set and you're the sole motivation, but I just dun give you anything in return, just problems, and not giving you the freedom you wan! Have I been that hatred to you? Do you hate me so much?! ;( I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry.

I tried, I keep trying, no matter how much I try being the best I can, I end up screwing up! I'm not how I used to be, I asked cause not because I dun allow you to play with certain people or wad, that was last time, I realize I can't always hold you but least by knowing who you're playing with, I might feel safe that you're with this, I'm just concerned of your safety ma, not that I have any trust issues or i wanna like see if its alright to play... Let me explain, but I guess, you weren't already happy with me, and worse, you told me not to text you nor you wanna be a relationship with me... Moi, I'm not how I used to be ma... Please understand that, I only care for you so much that I dun wanna lose you not that I wanna control you, I know how it feels like being controlled, I was in that kind of situation, I dun wish to talk about it... Past is past, please understand my love for you, you complete the puzzle in my life ma... I'm a changed person, not the type of person who I use to be, I can't say much already... Please be safe... Please ;(

I think it is clear, ;( I am never gonna change things... This is really painful, I dun know wad to do la, let god decide my faith and my life... ;(

Just woke up, couldn't sleep, bad dreams... I dun wanna be at home, going to a place alone where i first fall in love with you... What am i trying to do here? Why should i go back? 
They aren't just memories to me... not just memories... Something beyond which you may never understand...

I am missing you, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, Till now i do still... IT WONT FADE...
I CAN'T MOVE ON... NEVER WILL...
It hurts, i am taking a break... I can't tell how much i miss you, but for now... Let it be this way... Its really unbearable, really unbearable... ;( 

Woke up like have an hour ago, nice cold weather, could not really sleep much, the entire night was simply in pain! My knee is really hurt and doubt i can go for tmrw training! Thinking of it, made me sad, cause i have to make it into the squad, first 11 according to moi, if not i can't talk to her! :( I will, i can! I heard this weird feeling once i wake up...
Open my eyes, was staring blank, turned to my right side to retrieve my phone, cause there is were i usually keep my phone, i saw messages from my soccer mates, mother and all, but that all didn't really matter to me, the only message that i was finding is a 'Pig' face! hehe! I saved moi contact as a pig face! hahas! I dunno why, its just a thing... Every time i wake up, i always have this habit of wondering if she might have sent something! It reminds me when we started being together and both our family did not know about us, she tend to wake up in the middle of the night, cause she can't sleep, then she would text something like, "B, you're awake? Can't sleep. :(", hahas! Sometimes she might even call! Missing all the moments now! When the person you love has been with you and all, you dun tend to appreciate her, but when something happen and the time when you she feels different from you, and that's when you start regretting, why didn't you do this or do that... Why must it happen like that? Then i was checking her facebook and her twitter... I deleted twitter! Really, i try being myself, but for once, i dun wanna stalk her and bother her what she does and all, but i can't help it la! :( Its like a routine, so i used my safari to check! hehe! Went to the US images and was just looking through them, this caught my attention...

Moi, was pinching me, so hard you know, it was painful that cause me to have this kind of constipated face! She still can take picture ah! Haiyo... That day i wont forget, The girl's were having game on that day and Sasi wanted to celebrate Uma birthday, so me and Prithi followed Sasi go Tampines mall go buy cake, we were just following him la! But i was annoyed, i wanted time with her alone, Moi, was telling me, relax relax... Hahas! After that he took taxi back to TP cause the girl's game was gonna end, i took bus 23 with moi, cause she was going to her granny place i think at Farrer Park, i think cause there was some prayers going on... OUR FIRST BUS RIDE IN 23! :) hahas! Were take many images la! hehe! :) After that, once got down, walking to her place there, then we so called Lepak in the Playground... 

Scary isn't it...
hehe! I from there went back home when she went to her granny place... 
I still remember, i really didn't wanna let go of her at the playground... I sounded as though like its getting late for you, why dun you leave ma... Something like that, but i swear, i didn't mean it la, i was like thinking, " Please dun go..." You know sometimes, the time i wanna just spend with moi, its never enough la! hahahs! Silly me!
I am having holidays now, this is the time i always pray it shouldn't come, cause i will miss a of things that happened between us, from now on my blog is gonna be filled with my past i guess, 'OUR' past hahas! I am missing you so much ma!!! 
Beginning of Day 1... 

Today was a nice day for me, I met B!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I am so happy la!
Met b, in school, before her paper, and it was her last paper, after that went to follow her to Expo, she went to makan with her Aunt! :) I was waiting for her and all! And after 4 days of her not talking to me and all, it was really nice to hear her and see her! :) I was so damn happy! :) But, there were things that happened in between la! Dun wanna go in to further and all! All i can say is, i have an opportunity given by someone to make her fall in love with me again! It kinda hurts when that person does not feel for you and all! But, i actually enjoy making the person fall in love with me! ITs a feeling that guys only will understand! I am looking forward to it, in fact there will be some surprises for that someone la! Its gonna be fun for me! Truly, i love her, making her fall in love with me again is gonna be a challenge, i am willing to take it! I believe in faith and yes that is what brought me this far, mistakes that i have to correct, i would not wanna lose her again! :( It would be a massive blow for me, words can't tell how much she means to me, stay tuned.. :)